Slipping into the Shell
I think I've been a little brain dead lately, at least when it comes to bloggable topics. Maybe I'm just being too selective.
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When (some) people are nice to me it makes me want to lower my profile instead of inviting me to a deeper relationship like it should. I'm not talking about my friends and other people I view on the same level as myself - but people higher up the totem pole than I, like professors. You'd think their friendliness would increase my desire to please them - and it probably does overall - but it also encourages me to crawl into my shell and maybe even avoid them. I don't know exactly why this is - maybe it's my shy side coming out, or my desire to not be the teacher's pet. Or maybe I don't want to have to maintain someone's good opinion of me. When you aren't noticed, you don't have to face the embarrassment of failing in another's eyes.
Deep down I really do enjoy connecting with people - but this more superficial issue kinda stands in the way sometimes.
Oh, and don't stop being nice to me just because of this - it's something I need to work through apart from outside human intervention.
When (some) people are nice to me it makes me want to lower my profile instead of inviting me to a deeper relationship like it should. I'm not talking about my friends and other people I view on the same level as myself - but people higher up the totem pole than I, like professors. You'd think their friendliness would increase my desire to please them - and it probably does overall - but it also encourages me to crawl into my shell and maybe even avoid them. I don't know exactly why this is - maybe it's my shy side coming out, or my desire to not be the teacher's pet. Or maybe I don't want to have to maintain someone's good opinion of me. When you aren't noticed, you don't have to face the embarrassment of failing in another's eyes.
Deep down I really do enjoy connecting with people - but this more superficial issue kinda stands in the way sometimes.
Oh, and don't stop being nice to me just because of this - it's something I need to work through apart from outside human intervention.
posted by Claire at 18:59
1 Comments:
I don't like looking like a teacher's pet either. I prefer to forge relationships with my professors on a one on one basis, not in front of the class. I've found that a lot of the professors are just glad to have somebody in their class who takes an interest in the topic. The down side is when they single you out.
I don't think I withdraw, I just bluff my way through while cringing on the inside. I'm a good bluffer.
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