Telemarketer Fun

I was about ready to consume my dinner last night when the phone rang. The Smuckers were not at home, so I answered the call. (And here I begin to relate the gist of the call, paraphrased, out of order and modified to make this more readable.) M = me and T = telemarketer with southern accent.

M: Hello, you've reached the Smuckers.
T: Hi, this is So-n-so. I'd like to save you lots of money with this great offer... {etc that I didn't understand}.
M: Are you trying to sell me some sort of entertainment system?
T: Yes, we have this satellite offer that will outfit your system and it'll save you a lot of money.
M: Well, really, the people who live here don't even watch TV.
T: You don't watch TV?
M: No.
T: This satellite offer will save you a lot of money, and you can get HBO channels and everything.
M: But that wouldn't help me if I don't watch TV anyway.
T: You don't watch TV? What do you do in your idle time?
M: Oh, I read novels and talk to my friends. There are all sorts of things you can do instead of watching TV.
T: So how do you get the news? If you don't watch TV, how do you get news? TV has a lot of news information on it.
M: I can read a newspaper or look it up on the internet.
T: You have the internet? Can you give me your e-mail ID so we can be friends?
M: You don't need to have my e-mail ID.
T: What, you don't want to be friends? You don't have friends?
M: Oh, I have friends. I just don't make a general habit of getting them from over the phone.
T: Do you have a boyfriend?
M: No, I don't have a boyfriend.
T: You don't have TV, you don't have friends, and now you're saying you don't have a boyfriend? What do you do?
M: There are lots of things, like singing at old folks homes, going to church, all sorts of valuable things.
T: You go to church every day?
M: No.
T: There are newschannels on TV, and church channels, too. You don't want to watch them?
M: The newsmedia is often biased -- you have to take it with a grain of salt. And church channels have some good but they tend to preach incorrect doctrines.
T: So your church says you can't have a boyfriend? Is it wrong to have a boyfriend?
M: Oh, other people in my church do [oops, not really true right now]. It's just not my time right now for me to have one. God hasn't brought the right guy along.
T: Can you give me your e-mail ID so we can be friends?
M: No, you don't need to have that?
T: So you don't want to be friends? Why don't you want to be friends?
M: I would be happy to send you something to share God with you, but I think the reason you want my e-mail address is so you can send me something about a satellite dish.
T: Can you give me references for other people who might want this satellite system?
M: No, I don't want to do that.
T: Give me your name. So your name is Elizabeth?
M: You don't need to have my name.
And so we continued until she finally hung up. I could have gotten her off earlier, but I don't like to be rude and it's sort of fun to talk to telemarketers...